1. Sitting like car owner
Have you noticed that car owners have sitting positions? The common one is placing the hand with elbow peeking out for comfort, which some lift hikers tend to copy to pass the ‘message’, maybe to pedestrians…This is also the breed that assumes sitting next to the dashboard equals first class treatment meant for watu wazima. But the car owners kids have the right to kukaa mbele and condemn you, lift hiker, to that back seat next to the debe of waru.
2. Kuharibu hewa
Some hike lifts just when they were being pressed for the long drop toilet after a supper starring madondo and alas! during a bumpy section of the road they have no qualms releasing ‘silencers’ and you have to roll down windows and turn your nose up for fresh air!
3. Changing radio stations
Car owners prefer particular FM radio stations, but some kimbele mbele lift hikers have the temerity of demanding that the pastor switch from station ya kanisa to some rock offering since ‘hiyo ndio ina shika!” Others put their own music after ejecting your CD from Choir ya Uinjilisti Arusha Mjini that you bought in Dar…
4. Chafua chafua
There are lift hikers who will eat popcorn, roadside roast maize, ripe bananas and sugarcane and in the end leave your car resembling Dandora dumpsite… not forgetting their kids who step on your seats with matope!
5. Hii gari haina speed?
There is common wisdom among matatu drivers and conductors that ‘kama uko na haraka ungeenda jana’, which should apply to lift hikers fond of asking: “Kwani hii gari haina speed?”
6. Si unge nunua gari kubwa?
This is often heard from that nosy jirani with six kids and who unfortunately comes from your village and thus you have to accommodate his brood when going shags only for her to ask: “Si unge nunua gari kubwa!”… and that’s when she has all the mizigo that can’t fit your boot!
7. Hii gari haina AC, na iko chini?
During hot weather, this aunt of yours whose used to upcountry face me pick ups suddenly asks: “Hii gari haina AC na vile kuna joto?” “na mbona iko chini ama ni sisi tume shiba sana?”
8. Niweke hapo!
Must you tap the driver on the shoulder or on the thigh for him to turn and see that hot woman pedestrian or the fuel guzzler on the other lane? It is so destructive especially when the driver is pressed…and you start demanding: “Shukisha hapo” as if the car is a boda boda…. If you are not able to buy the meat for the owner as a way of kurudisha mkono for the free lift or kumnunulia mafuta ya Sh200 why then ask them…”tutasimama tukule nyama Kikopey”?
9. Insulting motorists
Some motorist are prone to overlapping and even overtaking on the wrong turns, thus the kiherehere lift hiker starts insulting them without checking kama ni mheshimiwa ama kasonko fulani.
10. Kusalimia warembo
Women rarely fail to respond to salama ya mtu mwenye ako na motii, thus lift hikers take advantage to salimia warembo, unaware that unachomea picha mwenye gari.
